Profound

I've been a fan of Aziz Ansari's work since reading the book on Modern Romance.

His work is fucking relatable in a funny way.

So when I heard about his new show on Netflix I immediately pounced lol and I wasn't disappointed at all.

Someone said this about the show : 'It sees the world not as a series of conflicts to be overcome, but as a series of experiences to be had, learned from, and understood through art.' #profound

There's a dope scene where he's considering breaking up with his girlfriend coz he's not sure they're both 100 % sold on each other so an older married friend gives him great advice and it's so  quotable that I had to steal it lmao.

Hanzi :

"Nobody's at a 100. I mean, I'm in a great marriage and sometimes we're at 90, other times we're at like 20 or 30. It goes up and down, it's not just like one number all the time.

Long-term relationships are tough. You can't just expect a big roaring fire right away.

You can't put the big logs in first. You got to start with the small stuff - the kindling, right? And you add that, then you put in the big logs, and then you have a roaring fire, and that's a good relationship, right?

But be careful. Sometimes kindling wood is hard to find, you know, good wood, so don't take it for granted."

Damn! Need I say more!

Best Shows Of 2016

It's been a pretty laid back year for me, I wasn't too out going because I devoted most of my time to building a new business so naturally I binged on a lot of shows in between. So here's my top ten and what I thought of them in order of preference starting from the best.

The Walking Dead

Talk about living under a rock that's under a rock.. Lmao. The Walking Dead party didn't get to me soon enough. Out of sheer boredom I gave the first season a try and the rest is history. It's not the typical zombie apocalypse story and it explores the worst that humanity has to offer. After crushing the cannibals I thought I had seen it all but the current season has a bad ass muthafucka called Negan. Simply put, this dude is the worst villain on television. I cannot wait for the show to return in February coz it's fucking lit.

Best Quote:

Negan: Hi. You're Rick, right? I'm Negan. And I do not appreciate you killing my men. Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people. Not cool. Not cool. 

You have no idea how not cool that shit is. But I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly. Yeah. You are so gonna regret crossing me in a few minutes.[smiles]: Yes, you are.

Game Of Thrones

I don't have enough superlatives to describe how epic season 6 was, what made it special for me is I returned to the very first season so I could fully appreciate how far the story has come coz it's been 6 years since Ned Stark was beheaded. When I finally got to season 6 the momentum was colossal and the show didn't disappoint. Jon Snow back from the dead, mother of dragons burning hot, the white walker king and his cold ass army and of course episode 9, The Battle Of The Bastards. The dopest hour of television ever and the dragons are finally going to take the iron throne and face Queen Cersei , a worthy adversary. 

Narcos

The Life story of Pablo Escobar was so captivating last year and  I'm pretty sure I can spit a little Espanol now. Season 1 chronicled the rise of the Don as he ascended to the summit of the Narcos world to become the richest criminal in human history. Second season was the inevitable fall. As the world started to crumble around him you could sense the vulnerability and the fear he had to deal with. Best moment was when he burns stacks of hundreds to keep his family warm.Sad ending for the life of a king pin.I have a crazy childhood memory about Pablo, my Mom was tuned in to everything in the world when I was young. I think I was about four or five when Escobar was killed and I remember her screaming hysterically at the TV in the middle of the night when the news broke, so that moment stuck with me and watching the show carried a little nostalgia. It was crazy that I even remembered it as I was so young. 

Best quote : “I read in a book somewhere about a rich guy who goes broke. When he’s asked how it happened, how he lost everything, he answered, ‘Slowly at first, and then all at once. For Pablo Escobar,'All at once had finally come.'

The People Vs OJ Simpson

Brings back memories again. OJ Simpson was all adults talked about back in 96. I knew the whole story just from being around them. This mini series about the OJ trial is totally captivating from start to end. John Travolta, Cuba Gooding Jr and Ross from Friends who plays OJ's best friend Rob Kardashian who fathered the undesirable lot who also feature in it as kids. Star names aside the guy who played Johnnie Cochran and the the chick prosecuting OJ stole the show. It's an incredible dramatisation of the story making lawyers appear to be the coolest people in the world and I loved it.

Queen Of The South

This one caught me by surprise, you could call it the female Narcos I guess. This chick goes from riches to rags when her drug dealer boyfriend is gunned down in Mexico. Then she starts to work her way up the food chain doing lowly work for a ruthless woman who runs a huge drug cartel. Real life drama backed by her 'tough as nails' personality etc. The honey killed the role. Her perseverance and humility in dealing with difficult times without feeling sorry for herself impressed me. Cannot wait for the second season.

Insecure

I saw this trending on Twitter and downloaded it when I was out of shit to watch. Quite relatable for me as a young adult. Black couple dealing with life, cheating and the basic shit that comes with adulthood. Watchable with a few corny moments but I do like shit I can relate to. I especially resonated with male character who has to deal with a demanding chick who doesn't see the big picture of where he's going with his life while he's getting his shit together and she cheats on him fucking up a solid relationship etc.

Atlanta

This show is hilarious, refreshingly different and well written in a goofy way if that means anything. Up and coming rapper and his broke manager trying to make it through the day without fucking shit up. Simple but hilarious and low key weird, Paper Boy!!!

The Crown

My Mom was a little obsessed with Princes Diana and the royal family when I was in primary school so when I read Netflix invested a 100 million dollars into this show I was naturally curious. History has always been a favourite subject of mine and this show chronicles Queen Elizabeth's life from just before she inherited the throne, the abdication of her Uncle and her relationship with Winston Churchill. It really goes deep into the challenges and sacrifices of being a monarch. The saying 'Heavy is the head that wears the crown' is the accurate way to describe it. Rich and captivating.

Planet Earth II

I love wildlife and all that weird encyclopedia shit. In another life I could've been a scientist or some other weird shit. I can totally fuck up a whole day watching national geographic or animal planet. Planet Earth 1 came out in 2006 chronicling animal life on different continents and terrains, captivating shit . 10 years later Planet Earth 2 is the second edition. With the advances in filming technology you really get to appreciate nature from a different perspective. There's a crazy lizard & snake chase that went viral and some dope Eagle fight and that's just the tip of the iceberg. It's remarkable stuff, a break from the monotony of regular television. They even discovered a new species of fresh water dolphins. Loved it to death.

The Exorcist

This show is scary as fuck. Acting isn't top notch but when there are demons terrorising people, who gives a shit about the dialogue. I like religious themed horror flicks with all that dooms day end of the world shit coz it feels believable to a certain degree so I fucked with it. Scary though, reminds me of Constantine.

What 2016 meant to me..

What 2016 meant to me?

Let's see, I guess this has been a really unsavoury year for most people but as always I like to take the good with the bad. 

The beginning of my year was anything but ideal, weeks earlier I knew someone really close to me had a few weeks to live. It was devastating and when doom's day finally came I just had to take it in stride. 

I felt so vulnerable not just because of the loss but with everything around me. 
Life was asking a lot of me in and I really had to be decisive. I had no time to mourn, had no one to comfort me and had a shit load of things that needed addressing the first of which were fly by night tenants that had to be taken to court. 

I toughened up, got my shit together and started working on a new business. I prayed a lot which I don't do as often as I should but slowly but surely I emerged from the dark cloud. 

Throughout the year I totally reinvented myself, I read dozens of books, conducted intensive market research, ironed out my weaknesses, got into shape and out of shape as well. It was an edifying and metamorphic process.

In retrospect as I sum it all up and put it all into perspective I can only smile.

It's been a difficult trip but I've grown in leaps and bounds. I'm fearless now, more decisive, very stern and confrontational when I need to yet I'm not afraid to put myself on the line and feel vulnerable. I've always tried to be too slick to avoid pain and rejection and now I embrace the growth that comes with it. 

My business savvy is at an all time high, I've charmed numerous suppliers to put the new business at a vantage point. My business paradigm has shifted, I've evolved, I look at things differently and I'm operating at an incredible level. 

I've read and listened to over 30 books this year and I feel 10 times smarter than I was 12 months ago. I notice it in meetings and seminars that I attend that I've really elevated the level that I operate at and I'm doing a lot of my work mentally, I don't need a notepad to clarify my thoughts and decisions much. I'm not afraid to speak up in a large group or confront people in uncomfortable settings. I care less about what other people think of me. 

I've laid the foundation and if I don't build a million dollar business in the next few years, God Willing, I would have failed myself because I have really levelled up in every important area, it's just a matter of time . 

This year has been tragic for a lot of people, I'm not the only person who lost someone and my heart sinks when I think of a recent accident that took the life of close friend's Mom. 

Not to turn this into a morbid post but the losses this year had me reevaluate what really is important in life. We all have grand schemes and dreams hoping that we will live forever but the truth is we aren't in control. God is the DJ, he's got the aux chord and he can cut you off at any time. 

The solemn conclusion is that you take nothing with you when you leave this Earth. You come in with nothing then you leave with nothing. So then the natural question is what's important, what should you treasure. 

The sobering question really is who will genuinely miss me when I'm gone. What's my legacy gonna be, what will I leave for my children and what impact and impression have I made on people and who have I connected with. 

These are all uncomfortable subjects most people are forced to confront when time eventually catches up. I would much rather embrace my mortality and make the most of my time here than be ignorant like spending money without a budget expecting your pockets to be deep as an ocean. 

I may not have thought of it explicitly when I was working on the new business I've launched but it was heavy on my mind that I needed to change my approach. 

I was in a meeting with a guy who founded a massive brand who made a comment about the regret of missing out on family life and time with his children in exchange for success. 

In the past my plan was to grind hard, sacrifice my personal life, save and build an organisation that can take care of me so I can enjoy the fruits of my labour and build a family. 

That plan worked remarkably for two years and just as I was comfortable enough to start living the political landscape changed again in Zimbabwe and plunged the whole economy into the abyss. It was survival mode all over again and more sacrifice of the things that actually matter. 

I realised I couldn't take the same route again. So for the first time in my life I'm building a business around the life that I want to live. It's weird but liberating. I may have done a lot of market research but the further I progress, the more I realise this is a reflection of who I am. 

Building a business around yourself is really fun, it isn't a chore. When I would collect a big payment from my previous business , these were my guilty pleasures but there was always that monkey on your back that I first had to establish a large enterprise before enjoying myself. 

What I'm working on is how I felt I would want to live when my old business had matured.

I've got plans for the coming year. 2016 was a necessary sacrifice but I've done my time and in the spirit of my legacy. I don't want to be that 40 something dude mourning about lost time. 

I'm building a business that complements my life and I'm convinced I've laid the perfect foundation. Life has to get richer as it grows without sacrificing my personal life as before.

The impressive thing I've got from all this is I'm a better version of myself. I'm more discerning. 

Much more than the sales I'm making are the connections with prospective customers and those I've converted. I liked the connections I made with my employees in my previous business but this has potential to be greater. 

I'm grateful for all the pain and growth that was 2016. 

I'm a laid back person but I'm a free spirit as well when I want to which I get directly from my Mom. I like nice things, I like beautiful women and all the best things but early on I knew I had to sacrifice if I was going to become a great business person, so it's been a bogey area of my life. 

Balancing personal and business is easier said than done. It's been an elusive area because you don't have time to waste, if you're going to invest your time on someone, it's gotta be someone real and finding someone real who will ride for you is difficult whether you're searching or not and it's much harder as an entrepreneur. 

My principle is that regardless of your current circumstances at any given you should be prepared to approach any woman so I'm immune to most insecurities. 

In recent times I've met interacted and connected with some great people so I guess I'm knocking on the right doors. 

I'm not a party animal anymore, I pick my moments. 

What sucks about business is that it saps your personality. When you're swimming in uncharted waters that are emotionally draining you can't be consistently spontaneous and electrifying because you're dealing with real life challenges and emotions that you're tying to make sense of. 

The real struggle is finding someone who understands that you can't be a fireball all the time. Being a player is easy, living reckless is easy but being a real man takes guts and sacrifice. 

I read somewhere that the process that produces enduring happiness is the ability to sacrifice what you want now for something greater that you want eventually. 

I've done the hard time this year especially and all the years before. 

In 2017 I want to bloom, take my foot of the gas a bit and embrace life. 

The only real change comes from inside and I've taken care of that. 

If I could sum up my resolutions for myself and my business in the coming year I would say.. After I've taken care of my basic needs, I want to be free . . . To do what I want, when I want, where I want, with whomever I want. For as long as I want, without having to worry about money... 

I owe myself at least that much but it's been a great year filled with the good and the bad and the ugly..

2016

As I sit back and analyse this year looking at how far I've come and the challenges I've scaled I get a surreal feeling. 

I cannot think of a worse start to a year than 2016. I usually set clear resolutions and targets for where I want to be and what I have to achieve in the ensuing months but this time was different. 

I learnt that someone I loved dearly who had been  a solid rock and father figure over the years was dying from cancer and they had less than a month to live . They were dark times. The sad news came 11 days into the new year and for the first time in my life I felt alone. 

People I've known all my life didn't even send a message of condolence. I had to sit down and face the world all alone. 

Apart from being a beacon in my life, the person I lost was my mentor and business partner. 

The previous year hadn't been kind to us on the business front. We lost a lot of money and leading to his death we were  trying to carve out a new plan. 

Essentially the timing couldn't be worse. The storm always comes when you're least prepared. 

So there I was, left to carve out a new path by myself dealing with meagre resources and shattered faith and confidence. It was fucking scary. 

I thought about a conversation we had when he said to me, it's time for Mike the Man to emerge. You have all the necessary experience to be great but you have to step up. Reminded me of my favourite Game Of Thrones scene when the grand maeister tells Jon Snow to kill the boy and let the man be born. 

Only difference is I had to do it  all alone with no safety net or voice of reason to consult. 

I dug deep, I put God first and credit him for staying faithful this whole year even though I always stray. I confronted each and every one of my personal and business weaknesses. 

I decided to build my life bouquet with the flowers closest to me. I read a lot. Over 15 books and counting. Mostly non fiction. I sold some of my property to fund the market research for the new business I was working on. I worked out consistently and watched my diet. 

Slowly but surely I ploughed back my confidence. I looked better and fit. I remember flirting with the idea of getting into a relationship and when I picked up the chick in question for a lunch date , I caught her gawking at me a couple times. I still haven't managed to get back to my physical state from those months since the winter came through and smashed my gains. 

But anyway my vision was finally shaping up into something tangible though I was still a long way. 

Financial management and interpersonal management in business were by far my greatest weaknesses and I've made decent strides to iron out those kinks though I still have a long way to go. 

So with all the focus I slowly put together a robust business model. It was finally taking shape and I tried to make it as personal and objective as possible, learning from others and seeing things from other people's perspective. 

I'm grateful for all the people who were patient enough to lend an ear and help me progress. 

God's timing is always perfect and each and every time I reached an impasse or roadblock he always provided a detour. 

I'm eternally grateful for my Muzukuru and best friend Munya who provided massive support in more ways than I can count. 

It's been a crazy journey for me. I've grown a lot. I'm smarter, more adept at decision making. More confident and fearless. I'm a tougher negotiator and love the aura I'm bringing to every new interaction. I've learnt to trust in my own council and make room for other people's views. 

If anyone would have told me I would be in this position back in January, I'm not sure I would have believed them but the Lord does work in mysterious ways. 

I'm ready to put what I've been working on into the world. It has my DNA written all over it. 

It might be a flop or it might be a success but what I've enjoyed the most is the journey and process of self discovery and growth it has provided me. 

For what is life if you cannot celebrate the little things. 

As difficult as things have been this year in my country, 2016 has given me a reason to dream afresh. God willing, those dreams may actually see the light of day.

The greatest challenge of my adult life stared at me and I stared back. Brought the best out of me and I like who I've become over the past few months.

Gambit

Life is like a card game. 

The cards constantly get re-shuffled and dealt out again.

You merely get  better at the game, more sure, and know what to expect from a situation.

The next card you flip  over may be a two or a five or a ten or a QUEEN!

You take it as it comes at you, dealing with what you have the best you can.

You learn in the process.There isn't a pinnacle of success, a moment when one becomes 'Omniscient'.

The game never stops.

The only major difference is that you can become game-master and the other players react to you rather than you reacting to their actions.

But you don't know what number is coming out of the deck next.

It could be an Ace. It could be a 10. It could even be a  Queen.

Readiness is all. 

The Dark Horse

No one despises the innocent Nice Guy who happily takes orders.

But everyone envies the one who knows what he wants and takes it, the guy who won't be played, and the guy who manages to unite dream and day.

Most people remain static all their lives. They do not change and cannot change. 

They are basically the same now as they were five years from now.

Imagine they are gathering in a circle around you and your life.

They are all taking bets on when you will stop and fail. When you do, they will let out a sigh of relief.

People do not want you to succeed, especially people you've known your entire life.

They want you to stay the same or fail. Their lives can only succeed by seeing you fail. 
 
For nothing can overtake the power of Endurance! 
 
We are the sum of our endurance.Endurance alone is power ultimate. 

So endure.  

[sic]

Loyalty

Came across this little passage the other day.

"They say one sees who one's friends in times of trouble. But I say one sees them in good times.

If a man really is your friend, he will be pleased by your good fortune without reservations.

But if he is not really your friend, every step forward will be for him a reproach or even an insult, the worm of envy will enter his heart and gnaw at it."

After going through it a couple of times I slowly shifted my perspective.

As someone who's lost most of my friends and even the comfort of family I always wonder how I got to this point without changing my core self.

It's always easy to think that people desert you during the darkest times but really when you think about it. How many people genuinely stick around during a major success or purple patch.

I'm a business person. I've barely scratched the surface of who I want to be or what I want to achieve.

For the first year or so because I didn't drive or have anything solid to show for my toil relationships were relatively the same.

When the fruits of that labour started to show a bit of promise with a car and upgrade of staff and premises the people started to disappear one by one. You would get a mere tongue in cheek compliment and never hear from them again.

Business world is  fickle though. Appearances of success aren't really success. Half the time you're trying to stay afloat but people don't see this.

Being an emotionally draining discipline. You need the support of people you love and trust but unfortunately these are the first to disappear.

You will look for encouragement but you will not find it.

It's a lonely road. I deal with so much stress daily and finding someone who can actually understand what you're going through is almost impossible.

Being an introverted only child I do handle difficult issues well by myself but I do always appreciate the real people around me.

Honorable mention to my cousin and friend Munya. He's always there for me through the good times and bad times.

When I opened my first business he brought his wife over to see what I had achieved. He was helping out with the hard labour for my first major service contract yet he's a medical doctor.

When I opened a bar he was around showing love. A few weeks ago I was in a major fix and he was there to bail me out.

He's been a constant through the good times and bad times and I appreciate that.

Unfortunately he's probably the only one left.

One of my day one buddies from high school didn't even invite me to his wedding but that's life.

Going forward I'll observe who's genuinely happy during the good times and keep them close.

To live is to fight, for this world is but a hurricane of challenges all aimed at you.

Evolution of Dating

From time to time I stumble upon a good book that keeps me away from the monotony of Television and gaming.

Earlier this week I started reading a book called Morden Romance which basically discusses the evolution of dating with modern technology. Social media and services like WhatsApp have revolutionised the way people interact. Love in the 21st century has totally been rewritten.
This entire post contains multiple quotes from that book mixed with my take on the subject so it isn't entirely original.

In late 2007 I had an experience that shifted my whole approach to dating. I met someone I was fond of. We exchanged digits and made the fateful mistake of over texting-back-and-forth. I actually asked her out via text. She was sharp and intelligent, probably the wittiest person I've ever met. When it finally came to proper physical interaction with my new girlfriend , things got really awkward. There was no rapport, we were both uncomfortable. We tried to kiss and it felt awkward. Conversation was dry because we knew everything about one another.

Relationship didn't last long and I was dumped over text on valentines day. I was gutted but through the pain I  had a moment of clarity that involved a bit of alcohol. From that point I decided I would avoid using technology if I could avoid it.

Moving on from her I made sure every new romantic interaction had a proper physical face to face foundation before moving on to calling and texting . Initially it was hard but since then my track record has been almost flawless. I'll usually only ask for a number if I intend to meet the person.  I keep texting and calling to a minimum and if I have to tell someone how I feel about them. I always do it in person.

What I've observed is the quality of my relationships has improved. They say body language speaks volumes so I can easily discern if someone is into me or not without wasting my time. I don't feel like I'm chasing or overreaching. Oddly once the physical foundation is laid properly, the calling and texting is more fun and spontaneous. You're not playing a who texted first or last game. Communication is synergistic. I once had a 6 hour telephone conversation with someone I had spent the day with and she's the one who called . All the insecurity vapours and the transition to the physical aspect of the relationship is much smoother. It's deeper than fishing for nudes.

In a face-to-face conversation, people can read each other’s body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice. If you say something wrong, you have cues to sense it and you have a moment to recover or rephrase before it makes a lasting impact. Even on the phone you can hear a change in someone’s voice or a pause to let you know how they are interpreting what you’ve said.

In text, your mistake just sits there marinating on the other person’s screen, leaving a lasting record of your ineptitude.

I can safely say 90% of my relationships have been independent approaches. I don't like being hooked up and like my romantic life to be private. If I'm interested I'll approach. It has always been effective for me. I have exes I met on the way to buy airtime. Taking a walk after a football match. If I'm attracted to someone I don't hesitate. Not to say I'm always on the prowl for women. It's a weird statistic but I think between 2008 and 2013 I probably only got rejected once and once again it was a case of texting before face to face which was mostly because the distance between us. When we finally hooked up the meeting was awkward.

Facebook and Twitter have opened up interesting ways to meet people. With the way I've evolved over the years I  never seriously considered the Internet to be a place to meet women especially since I'm not insecure about doing it in living colour . From the outside it feels like a desperate thing to do.

But then you socialise and interact with people daily . I've gone into business with people I've met on Twitter. I'm currently working on a horticultural project spawned from a twitter. There are real people on the Internet. The other day my Step Dad was marvelling at the recent business connections I made on Twitter.

You can't be hypocritical. If you're able to make solid business connections who's to say you cannot do the same for relationships.
It has never been my main objective to do the online thing but I will admit I've had a few eye opening experiences.

My first online dating experience doesn't really count coz it was someone I had known from before. The second one was more meaningful. Before meeting I was half interested . After that we went for dinner and I was surprised we actually connected. It was a scary thought to catch feelings for someone you've met online and it  went against everything I believed in. Statistically in the developed world the proportion of marriages with online foundations has almost surpassed the traditional boy meets girl ones. It's quite astounding and who knows what the world will be like in twenty years time.

As we see more and more people online, it can get difficult to remember that behind every text message, Facebook profile, and Twitter Avatar picture there’s an actual living, breathing, complex person, just like you.

The lines have become blurry. Your digital and physical lives are intertwined. I probably socialise more frequently with my online friends than with the real ones. I have people I've been talking to for five years now. Who's to say that shit ain't real.

With technology the dating pool has suddenly become an ocean. You're no longer limited to your geographical circle to pursue relationships. The options are limitless.

With an increase in options settling down feels like settling for less.

"We all see way more faces in the digital world. And in a strange way, all the faces we see in the world or even on social media feel like real options that we are closing the door on when we settle down. Have you ever aimlessly browsed around on Instagram? It can be like going down a rabbit hole: clicking on friends, friends of friends, people who’ve liked those friends’ photos. 

You see photos of all these beautiful people. You take a look at a few photos of someone’s feed and you can begin to get a sense of who they are. You start to wonder, Wow, what if this person and I connected?" , [Quote]

It's crazy, a real jungle. The other day I was walking in town with a friend helping him buy a few things for his wedding. We saw a lot of gorgeous women and I exclaimed to him that he was losing out on so much in the single world.

When the opportunity to settle down presents itself, the glamour of the single life and all the potential options looms over our heads.

But then single life isn't always fun. At a certain point the cost of the work needed to maintain a fun single lifestyle outweighs the benefits. The nights when you have amazing casual sex start getting outweighed by the times you wander home alone wasted and wake up hungover.
In between the fun, a lot of times there is emptiness.

Settling down offers the chance to fill that void with the dependable, deeper, intimate love of a committed relationship.

At times I feel I'm ready to settle down and most times I don't give a fuck.
It is on the agenda in the not too distant future.

They say we're living in the era of the soul mate. Where people are more focused on finding the one person that completes them.

Ancient Greek mythology states that we were all four-legged creatures to start; half man and half woman. Zeus was afraid us humans would get too powerful so he sliced us right down the middle, and everybody spends their life looking for the matching piece. I've always had my doubts about that love is one soul inhabiting two bodies especially when I observe relationships and marriages of older people that seem to lack any love.

There's this strong belief that I see mostly in women that there's only one person for you.
With numerous options the idea of the one seems like a myth. There are so many interesting people that can complete you and be worthy life partners if you allow the relationship to flourish.

Every time somebody falls in love, they create their own mythology to go with it. Don’t they? About her. And you. It makes it all bigger than life. Has to be, doesn’t it?
I've experienced different versions of myself with different women and learnt a lot about myself in the process. My ideal woman would probably be a combination of all the chicks from my past. I've found you can truly enjoy your experience with someone if you look past what's on the surface.

Between 19 and 29 I've grown a lot as person. 10 years ago it was obvious I would go for the tall light skinned chick with the pretty face and dashing outfit. Now my taste has evolved. I look past the appearance. A pretty face won't keep me interested though it still gets my attention. I know what I want and what I don't like and I'm more secure about myself so I have no trouble walking away from anyone or dealing with rejection.

With so many romantic options, instead of trying to explore them all, make sure you properly invest in people and give them a fair chance before moving on to the next one.
After a certain point, if you’re still trading endless back-and-forth messages online, you’re just wasting time. Have faith in your ability to size someone up in person.

Do things that are going to help you experience what it’s really like to be with this person. Don’t just stare at each other across the table while sipping a beverage and making the same small talk you’ve made a thousand times about siblings, and where you went to college.

Also, have faith in people. A person may seem just okay, but if you really invest time in the relationship, maybe they’ll be greater than you assume...

Zero-Sum Game

In game theory and economic theory, a zero-sum game is a mathematical representation of a situation in which each participant's gain (or loss) of utility is exactly balanced by the losses (or gains) of the utility of
the other participant(s).

If the total gains of the participants are added up and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero. Thus cutting a cake , where taking a larger piece reduces the amount of cake available for others, is a zero-sum game if all participants value each unit of cake equally.

A zero-sum game is a strictly competitive game so if one gains, another loses.

Payoff in a ZERO-SUM game gives rise to a generalized relative selfish rationality standard, the punishing-the-opponent standard, where both players always seek to minimize the opponent’s payoff at a favorable cost to himself rather to prefer more than less.

A lot of people and in fact most develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose. “Winning” is “beating” and essentially winners always create losers.

Reach a high enough level of success, skill or happiness and you'll find a lot of little green monsters around you, many you used to call friends.

This mentality leaves you unfulfilled and destroys your self-esteem. Instead, you should be trying to build a mindset of abundance.


When I was 12 I learnt an important lesson from my Mother which has guided me into adulthood. We weren't rich or anything but my Mom gave me a decent upbringing by any body's standards. The one thing that always pained me as a kid is that She didn't have a car, I always felt something was missing in comparison to other families. At that time we had moved to a new house and a friend of hers had come to see the new place. Her friend was in lovely new car that I admired with envy. As we were waving goodbye with my Mom smiling from ear to ear I asked her why she was so happy for someone who had something we wanted but couldn't afford.

We went back into the house and she sat down with me and said, regardless of how bad your situation is , always be happy for other people's success. Their progress does not stand in the way of your ambitions and ability. Jealousy will never get you anywhere in life. If somebody wins that doesn't mean you're losing.

Years later that lesson has shaped my approach to life. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I'm comfortable with myself and my abilities because I am not worried about what everyone else is doing. If anything I'm competing with myself to better my previous performance. When you're not bitter about other people's successes or envious you give yourself the freedom to bloom and grow.

I do not harbour secret desires to see other people fail nor do judge I hold grudges with people who have wronged me. My conscience is relatively clear.

Like everyone else I love the finer spoils of life. I love to splurge and spoil myself but whether I have it or I don't at any given time that does not form the basis of my self worth. You cannot tell the difference when I have a dollar or a thousand dollars in my pocket. I maintain a healthy level of indifference.

I never do things to get a reaction from other people, good or otherwise. My personal breakthroughs come in stages.

There are plenty of opportunities in life. More so, that I am worthy of those opportunities. I am in
the position to choose.

I have chosen a career in the volatile business world characterised by a lot of valleys and peaks. The drop is inevitable from time to time and strength of character is essential for progress so my indifference to everything and focus on myself keep my head above water.

The weird thing is I have people jealously competing with me everywhere. Because you judge people the way you judge yourself at times I fail to see it. Business associates young and old have tried to sabotage me, steal my ideas and employees to better themselves. I have very few genuine friends left from childhood and school. In most new interactions people start out warm and giving as they have put me in a box or category they are comfortable with and the moment they sense my drive and potential they either embrace me or start acting weird and I always walk away from those types. Some people think I'm a conceited show off and the worst is cold competition from people old enough to be my parents. I have an ex who confessed she got married and had a child just to spite me and make me jealous and would like to rekindle the old thing which makes no sense to me at all. It's remarkable what people will do for competition.

But most of life is not a competition. We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our friends

Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality.

Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others. The win-lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation.

Win-win is the best approach to life. An exchange that is free on both sides, in which no one is forced or tricked into participating, is a win-win game.

You don't have to go through life looking over your shoulder worrying about what everyone is doing.

At the end of the day you don't even choose the outfit you'll be buried in.

We are essentially passing through this world taking nothing with us but our memories and experiences. The better way is to run your own race with pride.

All of us are created in God's image. Our equal value and dignity as persons doesn’t vary with material wealth.

You may be standing in your own way by focusing on what is not important.

The only constant in life is yourself.

You have to set standards and want more for yourself. And not just more, but the best for
yourself. Don't envy what other people have.

There's no such thing as a life that's better than yours.

Love Yours...

Coming Of Age

As March draws to a close and we move onto April I always get reflective and analyse where my life is going. This is because the month of April is my birthday month so the feeling of growing older is more pronounced.

This year however I'm extra thoughtful and reflective coz I'm hitting the big 29. Shaving off the boys to man label to become a fully-fledged Man. I try to live without regret and make the most of my life in the good and bad times so I'm not scared or anything about getting older. In fact I'm embracing it.

29 is a big number no doubt and it's been heavy on my mind that I'm in the twilight years of my 20s. Drawing on the comparison with a football match, once the game clock is at 70 minutes; fans, players and coaches start to pay attention to the clock more as the game reaches the penultimate stage. The intensity of the match usually increases, players cannot afford to pass the ball around aimlessly and every chance has to be taken with ruthlessly efficiency. These are the moments that separate the winners from the losers. 

Every move has to be telling and if a coach wants to turn the game or keep it safe, critical substitutions have to be made at this juncture. Any football fan will tell you the last 20 minutes are nerve wrecking and for a reason because it’s nearly impossible to recover from a set back or poor decision like last night's Real Madrid vs. Barcelona match which saw Madrid lose 2-1 after controlling most of the game.

This sort of feeling is what's gripping me at the moment albeit with a little less intensity.

I'm at the age where all my financial moves have to be better than the last. I have to start building an asset and income base that will give me comfort as I grow older and settle down to have a family. I have to keep my standards high as far as dating is concerned coz that next girlfriend may be the last. I essentially cannot afford to fuck around because mistakes made at this time will have far reaching effects. These are the final 20 minutes of my game so I have to get it done right.

Although I'm getting older I still feel very young and I do look younger than my age would suggest. A lot of people place me in 24-25 range and Last year I was surprised by someone who inquired if I was still in school when I was spotting a grey trousers and white shirt without a tie. When I was running a bar last year and the police came to bother about seeing the owner I would simply tell them the owner is not around ,I'm just an employee and get away with it. There are times I get out of my car and people just assume it belongs to my Dad or older brother. You actually have to speak with me to gauge my maturity. Appearances really are deceiving.

That said the remarkable thing is I've matured incredibly. In 2012 I set out to launch a business and have been in the entrepreneurial world fulltime for 3 years now and in those years I have had a wealth of life experiences and gained a perspective of the world that is beyond my age.  The growth has been metamorphic .If I was a caterpillar before then I've become a butterfly. I have been able to appreciate life at a level most will gain in the latter stages of their lives.

Not to say I have lost my youthful bliss. It's almost like there are two sides to my personality. I still like to wild out and party once in a while. My dress code has stayed relatively the same over the years. I’ll never be a suit and tie kind of person. I can jam computer games from evening into the wee hours of the morning and I still have the passion for hip hop I had at 12. I'm still a sucker for a pretty face, you can almost predict the girl I’ll hit on in a crowded room and I'll succumb to any youthful predictable things but underneath it all is a grown responsible man with drive and ambition.

The reason for this is that when you're building a business, you interface with the world as it truly is not as it appears to be. I’ve lost 90% of the friends I grew up or went to school with and the void that they left has been filled with a large network of business associates and other useful people in general. I'm the youngest person in my industry and most of my associates are in their late 30s and 40s. These are people are interface with as contemporaries on the same level. This has coloured my mind as I listen and observe their approaches to life and business. There’s a guy I grew up with whose dad has become a close advisor and friend much more than the relationship I share with his son who’s my age. We can discuss chicks and music with the son for a few minutes yet I have lengthy discussions about life and business with his Father that stretch for hours. He will openly come to me for monetary assistance when he's in a fix and he has also bailed me out on occasions. I feel out of place at times when hanging out with the boys because the things that stimulate me are more refined. I don’t have time for pettiness.Often times I roll alone and I'm comfortable riding solo.

In the last 3 years I have employed a lot of people, some older, some younger some permanent and some temporary. When you take upon the responsibility of being an employer, the landscape changes.People place their livelihood and well being of their families on your ability to lead them. You have to pay them well and on time and this challenges you to be a better person.

 

Often times I have had to counsel my employees during hard times in their lives. I have had a technician lose a Father and Aunt in the same month, employed 2 single mothers with another falling pregnant on the job. Another older guy I subcontract lost his wife so he has been left with 2 children to take care of alone. I had a woman make bogus allegations about one of my female employees sleeping with her husband. There's so much drama and you can never prepare for the twists and turns. You have to keep your wits about you and avoid emotional decisions. I have noticed that I always bring the best out of my employees. I encourage them to think on their feet and they deliver most of the time.

I kind of have an idea of what it feels like to be a parent because people under your employ look up to you for everything. It's a really scary feeling to be looked up to in that regard. There’s that stare you get from them during a crisis or meeting that really challenges you to man up and deliver. It’s not for the feint hearted.

Building a business and leading the people under your employ is extremely challenging and difficult but it matures you.

When you've been through it all it's impossible to come out unchanged. One thing about me is I listen and I'm very observant. The common denominator with all the people I've met is that most are clueless about what they are doing and where they are headed and the level of regret amongst them is alarming.

As I am turning 29 next month from an objective point of view I've pondered about what I have learnt about business and life in dealing with people and how best I can learn from other people's experiences and avoid waking up 20 odd years later with a list of regrets and a life I am not proud of.

I am grateful to God that I have a relatively clean slate despite making my own share of mistakes over the years. Luckily none have been too serious. A couple of highs and lows but I think I'm on the right path to where I want to go.

I feel I have potentially one of the greatest business minds of my generation. I don't know everything but when the rubber hits the road I grind out results, I'm not a quitter and I don't let opportunities fall by the wayside. I follow through on my dreams and goals. Where this will take me, only time will tell. Though I’m often troubled by the challenges of the business world I plan to transcend all this and build something that lasts.

In our society there is a strong belief that money and success eventually lead to stress and downfall and for a good reason as the statistics show it. I've lost count of the times someone has pointed out a person who used to have it all but lost it all through womanising, extravagant spending and pure irresponsibility.

I do however believe there is a way to transcend the drop, to get away with success and all its spoils and not lose your soul or your life or both. I want to rewrite the old script. I did not sign up for business to be average or live like a pauper. When I strike gold I want to enjoy it yet keep my nobility and humility.

They say experience is the best teacher but it is a painful teacher. Foresight however is gentler. You can avoid a lot of pain and heart ache by learning from other people.

I have a great mentor in my Step Father and he is a source of great wisdom daily. He always tells me that if he knew what he knows now at my age he would be a multimillionaire by now and his goal is to keep me from making the same mistakes he made by imparting his knowledge to me.

The key lesson I have learnt from my interactions with people are as follows. Complain and regret.

When choosing a life partner take your time and marry for the right reason. -I see this almost every day and this is the first mistake most people make. They settle down with someone who doesn't complement them and in the end they grow apart. The only thing that holds the marriage together are children. My advice is to choose a mate who you can see yourself growing together with in all areas in 20 years someone with a hunger to grow who challenges you mentally.

Don’t waste away your youth chasing women. I believe you lose money chasing women but you never lose women chasing money. As you continually invest in yourself you find the quality of women you attract keeps improving. Women naturally dig guys with their sh*t together, that’s a natural fact. When you do settle down it’s gotta be with someone who matches the work you’ve put in. I definitely ain’t running around to hustle backwards. They say the bitterness of marrying a low quality woman is remembered far longer than the sweetness of how easy it was to get her so keep your standards up and aim high. Rejection is part of the cost of doing business so don’t fear being turned down, fear having your time wasted, fear regret. You can always bounce back from a defeat.

Do not rush to have children until you can afford them. There is a common misleading theory that miserable married people tell the unmarried ones that once you get married blessings and money will rain on you. The reality is marriage is responsibility. Once you decide to have a child and settle down you lose the freedom to risk it all because children take preeminence. Family planning is important. I know guys my age who can't get into business and are forced to work unfulfilling jobs because there are mouths to feed at home. I want to give my children a better upbringing than I had so I will decide to have kids when I feel I have laid the bare minimum foundation for them.

Save and Invest Most people will never invest in a business because 9 out of 10 businesses fail initially but the reality is job security is a phantom. A pay check is no longer guaranteed consistently so it is wise to save and invest even in stocks because we are stronger when we have options not weaker.
 

Health and Balance. In the casino of life it's easy to carry on like you cannot be touched but if you don't take care of your health and live responsibly then the hens will eventually come home to roost. You want to be around to watch your children grow and to grow old. This requires focus on your diet, exercise, responsible drinking and avoidance of drugs. The most important thing is to have a responsible sexual life. There are oceans of diseases swimming around so watch who you lay with and always use protection. 

Spirituality This is an area of my life that rarely gets attention but I have observed that families that fear God and at least acknowledge his grace in their lives are much more blessed than those that don't. It is very important to have time for God in your life. There are invisible forces in the world beyond our scope of understanding. Acknowledging them keeps you on the right path.
 

The Social Mirror. The seed of regret in the latter stages of life usually stems from people that did not follow their own hearts. A lot of people marry people they were pressured to by family and society. A lot of people studied what seemed right in the eyes of society. I admit it takes balls to swim against the tide but the long-term benefits of living on your own terms cannot be quantified. It is for this reason that I always trust my gut more than everything else. Most of the world is confused to begin with so don't hand over the keys of your future to someone else.

Risk It All The greatest risk you can ever take is to not risk anything at all. The people with mediocre lives played it safe and the people with admirable lives were willing to take a fall initially and eventually scaled great heights.

The difference between people who take initiative and those who don’t is literally the difference between night and day. Winners and losers aren’t in the same time zone. If you don’t shoot, you don’t score.

Goal Setting Most people only hope and wish for life to be better without taking action and leaving everything to chance. To get ahead you have to set goals and follow through with action. A plan A that leads to a plan B that leads to a plan C. That's the only way to manifest things into existence. People by nature want to achieve the most with the least amount of effort. However life is not a lottery. There aren't any short cuts to any place worth going. 
 

I'm almost out of steam so let me end here but this year is one I am taking very seriously and I pray I do enough to get to where I want to go.