Evolution of Dating

From time to time I stumble upon a good book that keeps me away from the monotony of Television and gaming.

Earlier this week I started reading a book called Morden Romance which basically discusses the evolution of dating with modern technology. Social media and services like WhatsApp have revolutionised the way people interact. Love in the 21st century has totally been rewritten.
This entire post contains multiple quotes from that book mixed with my take on the subject so it isn't entirely original.

In late 2007 I had an experience that shifted my whole approach to dating. I met someone I was fond of. We exchanged digits and made the fateful mistake of over texting-back-and-forth. I actually asked her out via text. She was sharp and intelligent, probably the wittiest person I've ever met. When it finally came to proper physical interaction with my new girlfriend , things got really awkward. There was no rapport, we were both uncomfortable. We tried to kiss and it felt awkward. Conversation was dry because we knew everything about one another.

Relationship didn't last long and I was dumped over text on valentines day. I was gutted but through the pain I  had a moment of clarity that involved a bit of alcohol. From that point I decided I would avoid using technology if I could avoid it.

Moving on from her I made sure every new romantic interaction had a proper physical face to face foundation before moving on to calling and texting . Initially it was hard but since then my track record has been almost flawless. I'll usually only ask for a number if I intend to meet the person.  I keep texting and calling to a minimum and if I have to tell someone how I feel about them. I always do it in person.

What I've observed is the quality of my relationships has improved. They say body language speaks volumes so I can easily discern if someone is into me or not without wasting my time. I don't feel like I'm chasing or overreaching. Oddly once the physical foundation is laid properly, the calling and texting is more fun and spontaneous. You're not playing a who texted first or last game. Communication is synergistic. I once had a 6 hour telephone conversation with someone I had spent the day with and she's the one who called . All the insecurity vapours and the transition to the physical aspect of the relationship is much smoother. It's deeper than fishing for nudes.

In a face-to-face conversation, people can read each other’s body language, facial expressions, and tones of voice. If you say something wrong, you have cues to sense it and you have a moment to recover or rephrase before it makes a lasting impact. Even on the phone you can hear a change in someone’s voice or a pause to let you know how they are interpreting what you’ve said.

In text, your mistake just sits there marinating on the other person’s screen, leaving a lasting record of your ineptitude.

I can safely say 90% of my relationships have been independent approaches. I don't like being hooked up and like my romantic life to be private. If I'm interested I'll approach. It has always been effective for me. I have exes I met on the way to buy airtime. Taking a walk after a football match. If I'm attracted to someone I don't hesitate. Not to say I'm always on the prowl for women. It's a weird statistic but I think between 2008 and 2013 I probably only got rejected once and once again it was a case of texting before face to face which was mostly because the distance between us. When we finally hooked up the meeting was awkward.

Facebook and Twitter have opened up interesting ways to meet people. With the way I've evolved over the years I  never seriously considered the Internet to be a place to meet women especially since I'm not insecure about doing it in living colour . From the outside it feels like a desperate thing to do.

But then you socialise and interact with people daily . I've gone into business with people I've met on Twitter. I'm currently working on a horticultural project spawned from a twitter. There are real people on the Internet. The other day my Step Dad was marvelling at the recent business connections I made on Twitter.

You can't be hypocritical. If you're able to make solid business connections who's to say you cannot do the same for relationships.
It has never been my main objective to do the online thing but I will admit I've had a few eye opening experiences.

My first online dating experience doesn't really count coz it was someone I had known from before. The second one was more meaningful. Before meeting I was half interested . After that we went for dinner and I was surprised we actually connected. It was a scary thought to catch feelings for someone you've met online and it  went against everything I believed in. Statistically in the developed world the proportion of marriages with online foundations has almost surpassed the traditional boy meets girl ones. It's quite astounding and who knows what the world will be like in twenty years time.

As we see more and more people online, it can get difficult to remember that behind every text message, Facebook profile, and Twitter Avatar picture there’s an actual living, breathing, complex person, just like you.

The lines have become blurry. Your digital and physical lives are intertwined. I probably socialise more frequently with my online friends than with the real ones. I have people I've been talking to for five years now. Who's to say that shit ain't real.

With technology the dating pool has suddenly become an ocean. You're no longer limited to your geographical circle to pursue relationships. The options are limitless.

With an increase in options settling down feels like settling for less.

"We all see way more faces in the digital world. And in a strange way, all the faces we see in the world or even on social media feel like real options that we are closing the door on when we settle down. Have you ever aimlessly browsed around on Instagram? It can be like going down a rabbit hole: clicking on friends, friends of friends, people who’ve liked those friends’ photos. 

You see photos of all these beautiful people. You take a look at a few photos of someone’s feed and you can begin to get a sense of who they are. You start to wonder, Wow, what if this person and I connected?" , [Quote]

It's crazy, a real jungle. The other day I was walking in town with a friend helping him buy a few things for his wedding. We saw a lot of gorgeous women and I exclaimed to him that he was losing out on so much in the single world.

When the opportunity to settle down presents itself, the glamour of the single life and all the potential options looms over our heads.

But then single life isn't always fun. At a certain point the cost of the work needed to maintain a fun single lifestyle outweighs the benefits. The nights when you have amazing casual sex start getting outweighed by the times you wander home alone wasted and wake up hungover.
In between the fun, a lot of times there is emptiness.

Settling down offers the chance to fill that void with the dependable, deeper, intimate love of a committed relationship.

At times I feel I'm ready to settle down and most times I don't give a fuck.
It is on the agenda in the not too distant future.

They say we're living in the era of the soul mate. Where people are more focused on finding the one person that completes them.

Ancient Greek mythology states that we were all four-legged creatures to start; half man and half woman. Zeus was afraid us humans would get too powerful so he sliced us right down the middle, and everybody spends their life looking for the matching piece. I've always had my doubts about that love is one soul inhabiting two bodies especially when I observe relationships and marriages of older people that seem to lack any love.

There's this strong belief that I see mostly in women that there's only one person for you.
With numerous options the idea of the one seems like a myth. There are so many interesting people that can complete you and be worthy life partners if you allow the relationship to flourish.

Every time somebody falls in love, they create their own mythology to go with it. Don’t they? About her. And you. It makes it all bigger than life. Has to be, doesn’t it?
I've experienced different versions of myself with different women and learnt a lot about myself in the process. My ideal woman would probably be a combination of all the chicks from my past. I've found you can truly enjoy your experience with someone if you look past what's on the surface.

Between 19 and 29 I've grown a lot as person. 10 years ago it was obvious I would go for the tall light skinned chick with the pretty face and dashing outfit. Now my taste has evolved. I look past the appearance. A pretty face won't keep me interested though it still gets my attention. I know what I want and what I don't like and I'm more secure about myself so I have no trouble walking away from anyone or dealing with rejection.

With so many romantic options, instead of trying to explore them all, make sure you properly invest in people and give them a fair chance before moving on to the next one.
After a certain point, if you’re still trading endless back-and-forth messages online, you’re just wasting time. Have faith in your ability to size someone up in person.

Do things that are going to help you experience what it’s really like to be with this person. Don’t just stare at each other across the table while sipping a beverage and making the same small talk you’ve made a thousand times about siblings, and where you went to college.

Also, have faith in people. A person may seem just okay, but if you really invest time in the relationship, maybe they’ll be greater than you assume...

Zero-Sum Game

In game theory and economic theory, a zero-sum game is a mathematical representation of a situation in which each participant's gain (or loss) of utility is exactly balanced by the losses (or gains) of the utility of
the other participant(s).

If the total gains of the participants are added up and the total losses are subtracted, they will sum to zero. Thus cutting a cake , where taking a larger piece reduces the amount of cake available for others, is a zero-sum game if all participants value each unit of cake equally.

A zero-sum game is a strictly competitive game so if one gains, another loses.

Payoff in a ZERO-SUM game gives rise to a generalized relative selfish rationality standard, the punishing-the-opponent standard, where both players always seek to minimize the opponent’s payoff at a favorable cost to himself rather to prefer more than less.

A lot of people and in fact most develop the basic paradigm that life is a big game, a zero sum game where some win and some lose. “Winning” is “beating” and essentially winners always create losers.

Reach a high enough level of success, skill or happiness and you'll find a lot of little green monsters around you, many you used to call friends.

This mentality leaves you unfulfilled and destroys your self-esteem. Instead, you should be trying to build a mindset of abundance.


When I was 12 I learnt an important lesson from my Mother which has guided me into adulthood. We weren't rich or anything but my Mom gave me a decent upbringing by any body's standards. The one thing that always pained me as a kid is that She didn't have a car, I always felt something was missing in comparison to other families. At that time we had moved to a new house and a friend of hers had come to see the new place. Her friend was in lovely new car that I admired with envy. As we were waving goodbye with my Mom smiling from ear to ear I asked her why she was so happy for someone who had something we wanted but couldn't afford.

We went back into the house and she sat down with me and said, regardless of how bad your situation is , always be happy for other people's success. Their progress does not stand in the way of your ambitions and ability. Jealousy will never get you anywhere in life. If somebody wins that doesn't mean you're losing.

Years later that lesson has shaped my approach to life. I don't have a competitive bone in my body. I'm comfortable with myself and my abilities because I am not worried about what everyone else is doing. If anything I'm competing with myself to better my previous performance. When you're not bitter about other people's successes or envious you give yourself the freedom to bloom and grow.

I do not harbour secret desires to see other people fail nor do judge I hold grudges with people who have wronged me. My conscience is relatively clear.

Like everyone else I love the finer spoils of life. I love to splurge and spoil myself but whether I have it or I don't at any given time that does not form the basis of my self worth. You cannot tell the difference when I have a dollar or a thousand dollars in my pocket. I maintain a healthy level of indifference.

I never do things to get a reaction from other people, good or otherwise. My personal breakthroughs come in stages.

There are plenty of opportunities in life. More so, that I am worthy of those opportunities. I am in
the position to choose.

I have chosen a career in the volatile business world characterised by a lot of valleys and peaks. The drop is inevitable from time to time and strength of character is essential for progress so my indifference to everything and focus on myself keep my head above water.

The weird thing is I have people jealously competing with me everywhere. Because you judge people the way you judge yourself at times I fail to see it. Business associates young and old have tried to sabotage me, steal my ideas and employees to better themselves. I have very few genuine friends left from childhood and school. In most new interactions people start out warm and giving as they have put me in a box or category they are comfortable with and the moment they sense my drive and potential they either embrace me or start acting weird and I always walk away from those types. Some people think I'm a conceited show off and the worst is cold competition from people old enough to be my parents. I have an ex who confessed she got married and had a child just to spite me and make me jealous and would like to rekindle the old thing which makes no sense to me at all. It's remarkable what people will do for competition.

But most of life is not a competition. We don't have to live each day competing with our spouse, our children, our co-workers, our neighbors, and our friends

Most of life is an interdependent, not an independent, reality.

Most results you want depend on cooperation between you and others. The win-lose mentality is dysfunctional to that cooperation.

Win-win is the best approach to life. An exchange that is free on both sides, in which no one is forced or tricked into participating, is a win-win game.

You don't have to go through life looking over your shoulder worrying about what everyone is doing.

At the end of the day you don't even choose the outfit you'll be buried in.

We are essentially passing through this world taking nothing with us but our memories and experiences. The better way is to run your own race with pride.

All of us are created in God's image. Our equal value and dignity as persons doesn’t vary with material wealth.

You may be standing in your own way by focusing on what is not important.

The only constant in life is yourself.

You have to set standards and want more for yourself. And not just more, but the best for
yourself. Don't envy what other people have.

There's no such thing as a life that's better than yours.

Love Yours...

Coming Of Age

As March draws to a close and we move onto April I always get reflective and analyse where my life is going. This is because the month of April is my birthday month so the feeling of growing older is more pronounced.

This year however I'm extra thoughtful and reflective coz I'm hitting the big 29. Shaving off the boys to man label to become a fully-fledged Man. I try to live without regret and make the most of my life in the good and bad times so I'm not scared or anything about getting older. In fact I'm embracing it.

29 is a big number no doubt and it's been heavy on my mind that I'm in the twilight years of my 20s. Drawing on the comparison with a football match, once the game clock is at 70 minutes; fans, players and coaches start to pay attention to the clock more as the game reaches the penultimate stage. The intensity of the match usually increases, players cannot afford to pass the ball around aimlessly and every chance has to be taken with ruthlessly efficiency. These are the moments that separate the winners from the losers. 

Every move has to be telling and if a coach wants to turn the game or keep it safe, critical substitutions have to be made at this juncture. Any football fan will tell you the last 20 minutes are nerve wrecking and for a reason because it’s nearly impossible to recover from a set back or poor decision like last night's Real Madrid vs. Barcelona match which saw Madrid lose 2-1 after controlling most of the game.

This sort of feeling is what's gripping me at the moment albeit with a little less intensity.

I'm at the age where all my financial moves have to be better than the last. I have to start building an asset and income base that will give me comfort as I grow older and settle down to have a family. I have to keep my standards high as far as dating is concerned coz that next girlfriend may be the last. I essentially cannot afford to fuck around because mistakes made at this time will have far reaching effects. These are the final 20 minutes of my game so I have to get it done right.

Although I'm getting older I still feel very young and I do look younger than my age would suggest. A lot of people place me in 24-25 range and Last year I was surprised by someone who inquired if I was still in school when I was spotting a grey trousers and white shirt without a tie. When I was running a bar last year and the police came to bother about seeing the owner I would simply tell them the owner is not around ,I'm just an employee and get away with it. There are times I get out of my car and people just assume it belongs to my Dad or older brother. You actually have to speak with me to gauge my maturity. Appearances really are deceiving.

That said the remarkable thing is I've matured incredibly. In 2012 I set out to launch a business and have been in the entrepreneurial world fulltime for 3 years now and in those years I have had a wealth of life experiences and gained a perspective of the world that is beyond my age.  The growth has been metamorphic .If I was a caterpillar before then I've become a butterfly. I have been able to appreciate life at a level most will gain in the latter stages of their lives.

Not to say I have lost my youthful bliss. It's almost like there are two sides to my personality. I still like to wild out and party once in a while. My dress code has stayed relatively the same over the years. I’ll never be a suit and tie kind of person. I can jam computer games from evening into the wee hours of the morning and I still have the passion for hip hop I had at 12. I'm still a sucker for a pretty face, you can almost predict the girl I’ll hit on in a crowded room and I'll succumb to any youthful predictable things but underneath it all is a grown responsible man with drive and ambition.

The reason for this is that when you're building a business, you interface with the world as it truly is not as it appears to be. I’ve lost 90% of the friends I grew up or went to school with and the void that they left has been filled with a large network of business associates and other useful people in general. I'm the youngest person in my industry and most of my associates are in their late 30s and 40s. These are people are interface with as contemporaries on the same level. This has coloured my mind as I listen and observe their approaches to life and business. There’s a guy I grew up with whose dad has become a close advisor and friend much more than the relationship I share with his son who’s my age. We can discuss chicks and music with the son for a few minutes yet I have lengthy discussions about life and business with his Father that stretch for hours. He will openly come to me for monetary assistance when he's in a fix and he has also bailed me out on occasions. I feel out of place at times when hanging out with the boys because the things that stimulate me are more refined. I don’t have time for pettiness.Often times I roll alone and I'm comfortable riding solo.

In the last 3 years I have employed a lot of people, some older, some younger some permanent and some temporary. When you take upon the responsibility of being an employer, the landscape changes.People place their livelihood and well being of their families on your ability to lead them. You have to pay them well and on time and this challenges you to be a better person.

 

Often times I have had to counsel my employees during hard times in their lives. I have had a technician lose a Father and Aunt in the same month, employed 2 single mothers with another falling pregnant on the job. Another older guy I subcontract lost his wife so he has been left with 2 children to take care of alone. I had a woman make bogus allegations about one of my female employees sleeping with her husband. There's so much drama and you can never prepare for the twists and turns. You have to keep your wits about you and avoid emotional decisions. I have noticed that I always bring the best out of my employees. I encourage them to think on their feet and they deliver most of the time.

I kind of have an idea of what it feels like to be a parent because people under your employ look up to you for everything. It's a really scary feeling to be looked up to in that regard. There’s that stare you get from them during a crisis or meeting that really challenges you to man up and deliver. It’s not for the feint hearted.

Building a business and leading the people under your employ is extremely challenging and difficult but it matures you.

When you've been through it all it's impossible to come out unchanged. One thing about me is I listen and I'm very observant. The common denominator with all the people I've met is that most are clueless about what they are doing and where they are headed and the level of regret amongst them is alarming.

As I am turning 29 next month from an objective point of view I've pondered about what I have learnt about business and life in dealing with people and how best I can learn from other people's experiences and avoid waking up 20 odd years later with a list of regrets and a life I am not proud of.

I am grateful to God that I have a relatively clean slate despite making my own share of mistakes over the years. Luckily none have been too serious. A couple of highs and lows but I think I'm on the right path to where I want to go.

I feel I have potentially one of the greatest business minds of my generation. I don't know everything but when the rubber hits the road I grind out results, I'm not a quitter and I don't let opportunities fall by the wayside. I follow through on my dreams and goals. Where this will take me, only time will tell. Though I’m often troubled by the challenges of the business world I plan to transcend all this and build something that lasts.

In our society there is a strong belief that money and success eventually lead to stress and downfall and for a good reason as the statistics show it. I've lost count of the times someone has pointed out a person who used to have it all but lost it all through womanising, extravagant spending and pure irresponsibility.

I do however believe there is a way to transcend the drop, to get away with success and all its spoils and not lose your soul or your life or both. I want to rewrite the old script. I did not sign up for business to be average or live like a pauper. When I strike gold I want to enjoy it yet keep my nobility and humility.

They say experience is the best teacher but it is a painful teacher. Foresight however is gentler. You can avoid a lot of pain and heart ache by learning from other people.

I have a great mentor in my Step Father and he is a source of great wisdom daily. He always tells me that if he knew what he knows now at my age he would be a multimillionaire by now and his goal is to keep me from making the same mistakes he made by imparting his knowledge to me.

The key lesson I have learnt from my interactions with people are as follows. Complain and regret.

When choosing a life partner take your time and marry for the right reason. -I see this almost every day and this is the first mistake most people make. They settle down with someone who doesn't complement them and in the end they grow apart. The only thing that holds the marriage together are children. My advice is to choose a mate who you can see yourself growing together with in all areas in 20 years someone with a hunger to grow who challenges you mentally.

Don’t waste away your youth chasing women. I believe you lose money chasing women but you never lose women chasing money. As you continually invest in yourself you find the quality of women you attract keeps improving. Women naturally dig guys with their sh*t together, that’s a natural fact. When you do settle down it’s gotta be with someone who matches the work you’ve put in. I definitely ain’t running around to hustle backwards. They say the bitterness of marrying a low quality woman is remembered far longer than the sweetness of how easy it was to get her so keep your standards up and aim high. Rejection is part of the cost of doing business so don’t fear being turned down, fear having your time wasted, fear regret. You can always bounce back from a defeat.

Do not rush to have children until you can afford them. There is a common misleading theory that miserable married people tell the unmarried ones that once you get married blessings and money will rain on you. The reality is marriage is responsibility. Once you decide to have a child and settle down you lose the freedom to risk it all because children take preeminence. Family planning is important. I know guys my age who can't get into business and are forced to work unfulfilling jobs because there are mouths to feed at home. I want to give my children a better upbringing than I had so I will decide to have kids when I feel I have laid the bare minimum foundation for them.

Save and Invest Most people will never invest in a business because 9 out of 10 businesses fail initially but the reality is job security is a phantom. A pay check is no longer guaranteed consistently so it is wise to save and invest even in stocks because we are stronger when we have options not weaker.
 

Health and Balance. In the casino of life it's easy to carry on like you cannot be touched but if you don't take care of your health and live responsibly then the hens will eventually come home to roost. You want to be around to watch your children grow and to grow old. This requires focus on your diet, exercise, responsible drinking and avoidance of drugs. The most important thing is to have a responsible sexual life. There are oceans of diseases swimming around so watch who you lay with and always use protection. 

Spirituality This is an area of my life that rarely gets attention but I have observed that families that fear God and at least acknowledge his grace in their lives are much more blessed than those that don't. It is very important to have time for God in your life. There are invisible forces in the world beyond our scope of understanding. Acknowledging them keeps you on the right path.
 

The Social Mirror. The seed of regret in the latter stages of life usually stems from people that did not follow their own hearts. A lot of people marry people they were pressured to by family and society. A lot of people studied what seemed right in the eyes of society. I admit it takes balls to swim against the tide but the long-term benefits of living on your own terms cannot be quantified. It is for this reason that I always trust my gut more than everything else. Most of the world is confused to begin with so don't hand over the keys of your future to someone else.

Risk It All The greatest risk you can ever take is to not risk anything at all. The people with mediocre lives played it safe and the people with admirable lives were willing to take a fall initially and eventually scaled great heights.

The difference between people who take initiative and those who don’t is literally the difference between night and day. Winners and losers aren’t in the same time zone. If you don’t shoot, you don’t score.

Goal Setting Most people only hope and wish for life to be better without taking action and leaving everything to chance. To get ahead you have to set goals and follow through with action. A plan A that leads to a plan B that leads to a plan C. That's the only way to manifest things into existence. People by nature want to achieve the most with the least amount of effort. However life is not a lottery. There aren't any short cuts to any place worth going. 
 

I'm almost out of steam so let me end here but this year is one I am taking very seriously and I pray I do enough to get to where I want to go.

Mortal Man

I see myself as a natural born hustler, a true hustler in every sense of the word. 

I took nothin’, I took the opportunities, I worked at the most menial and degrading job and built myself up so I could get it to where I owned it. 

I went from having somebody manage me to me hiring the person that works my management company. 

I changed everything I realised my destiny in a matter of five years you know what I’m saying I made myself a millionaire. 

I made millions for a lot of people now it’s time to make millions for myself, you know what I’m saying. I made millions for the record companies, I made millions for these movie companies, now I make millions for us

Tupac...

This Can't Be Life

The fear of failure is something that everyone goes through, but no one, wants to really talk about.

The thought that “This Can’t Be Life” is one that all of us have felt at some point or another, when bad decisions and bad luck and bad situations feel like too much to bear.

Those times when we think that this, this, can’t be my story.

But facing up to that kind of feeling can be a powerful motivation to change and turn your life around.

[Stolen]

Metamorphosis

I'm a very self-aware individual, I have a strong sense of self and I notice this in every new interaction. This has been a result of a re-calibration of sorts or Metamorphosis that has been occurring from the time I was 21.

2007 was the lowest point of my life. I was 21 and was basically laying the foundation of my life but I found myself disenchanted. I was basically starring through the social mirror and I didn't like who I was and how I was living. It was a painful period characterised by emotional vertigo. I was still reeling from the loss of my Mother; I was struggling to keep my grades up for the first time in a long while. Couldn't keep a steady relationship and my game was basically nonexistent. I had been taken advantage of once or twice and I felt disheartened by all this. In between the excessive highs from partying and drinking was this dark cloud of gloom and helplessness that hung over me. I felt I was just a passenger in my own life .I couldn't look at myself in the mirror with great satisfaction.

Historically from as long as I can remember I have always been resourceful during struggle times. I have the uncanny ability to pick myself up and plug away till I find a solution. In primary school when I was demoted to a lower class I worked my way up to have the best results in the stream winning prizes along the way. When mathematics was lowering my grades in high school i prompted my Mother to speak to my Math teacher and I eventually received more attention and became an A student. I was horrible at Shona but I hustled to the finish line and scratched an unlikely B after a horrendous track record.
Here i was in treacherous waters and I wasn't about to give in. I searched deep, even went to a doctor who suggested therapy which I declined then he put me on light anti-depressants. I was 21 on anti-depressants and I wasn't gonna go out like that.

So I searched deep and embarked on a course of recalibration .Luckily I stumbled upon a great book, The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey, probably the greatest book I have ever read. I picked up the habit of reading from my Mom and it has always served me well. I do not speculate, I always read and search for logical solutions to problems.
What i found is how I felt about myself and my life is basically how most of the world is. Most people don't know or understand what they want out of life; they are stuck in relationships and careers that they do not necessarily want. It's almost an epidemic.

Over the years I have grown a lot. I know myself in and out. I know what I want.I've worked to get more clarity about my past and present and to unify my outside shell and soul, but it's
Ongoing. I take responsibility for every decision I make. I have no regrets at all. I'm far from perfect but I know for sure I am a product of who I want to be and I am genuinely happy.
I'm not afraid of rejection. I am not afraid of living. Of course I make epic mistakes from time to time like the last business investment I made that left me in red but these mistakes are mine and mine alone. Every year I get wiser and smarter and there is no decay at all. I cannot even recognise myself from 6 months ago. I can't even date the person I liked 6 months ago.

It isn't that life is very short but it's that a life is easy to waste. There are millions of people with wasting unproductive lives and the tragedy is this can be solved with the right motivation. I see a lot of people hurt and running around aimlessly and can truly empathise with them. My advice to anyone who wants to live a full and happy life is that do not follow any formula or standard. Live the life you want not the one other people want for you.

Don't settle for less and be prepared to walk away from anything or anyone that doesn't fulfill you. You were born alone, you consciously choose to involve people in your life, they pay rent so don't give them the title deeds to your life or allow people to walk all over you. Everyone has their own specific vocation in life.Therein they cannot be replaced, nor can their life be repeated.

Most people follow the standard way and wonder why life becomes a drag. Freed from the shackles, we get the chance to actually have a life. The biggest obstacle to true success is when we do not become who we are. We try to be someone else or be what people 'want' us to be, discarding our passion in life and doing something else because that is 'proper.'

"There are two universal attributes for any very successful person. One, they work very hard at what they do. Two, they LOVE what they do so it doesn't seem like work. Find a passion in your life and embrace it with everything you've got. You only have one life and only so much time.  "

Anyone is free to seize life and make it what they want it to be. This is hard because it involves change. Routines are easy. Habits are easy. Sitting there and blaming someone else for your life is easy.
Life can be whatever we want it to be. But if we sit around and think we have no control over it (due to government, family, church etc.), we are creating our own destiny of despair. Who's to say you have to go through suffering seven days of the week? With all that is out there to experience and enjoy, who's to say that your life has to be 'hard' or serious?

The problem with most people is they hope a lot and gamble their futures by putting it all in the hands of fate. They put faith in a prophet to make them wealthy, give them a great husband or a car and a job. It's really amazing to see how smart intelligent people gamble with their futures .The reality is the truly successful people put in work and lay the proper foundations. As human beings, we are responsible for our own lives. If we think our lives are a function of our conditions, it is because we have, by conscious decision or by default, chosen to empower those things to have control over us - we have let ourselves become reactive. Reactive people are often affected by the weather; proactive people carry their own weather with them.

Being proactive means recognizing our responsibility to make things happen. The people who end up with the good jobs are those who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job done.

Define how life is going to be enjoyed and lived and set the rules for it. Do not let your life be defined by your Mom, your Dad, your sister, your brother, your church, your grandparents, your government, your girlfriend, but only by YOU.

The double edge is that if something doesn't go right, you can blame only yourself. But isn't it worthwhile to live YOUR mistakes rather than live other people's mistakes? If you give up those rules to someone else, then YOU are to blame if your life is not where you want it to be"

"We have been told all our lives that people who do well in life are 'lucky.' "They came from the right family." "They are different." "They had it handed to them."
When you see someone happy, don't go, "Oh, I wish I were like them. They must come from the right part of town and all to be happy." That isn't how happiness works. And the odds are that those that are 'happy' are usually covering up their own misery.

Life is to be lived. Life is meant to be grabbed on to. When you do this, you no longer worry about what other people think of you. And if you DO worry about what other people think of you, then you are imprisoned by it.

I am about to embark on a new business adventure in a foreign country. It's scary and exciting at the same time. It's going to be the greatest challenge of my life up to this point. I may succeed, I may fail but it will be on my own terms.

I would have preferred staying in Zimbabwe but the reality is the prevailing economic environment is bad for any business to thrive. I am not prepared to sit around and complain about poor government policies like everyone else because my time belongs to me and me alone.

I will plant seeds of success elsewhere and return when things improve but I will definitely avoid wasting my time in a lose - lose environment.

The conscious decision I made to re-calibrate myself years ago has become the cornerstone of who I am and who I'll become. I'll definitely get rich or die trying. Regrets aren't for winners.

The world is yours!!

°

Countless choices define our fate: each choice, each moment, a moment in the ripple of time. Enough ripple, and you change the tide... for the future is never truly set.

[ X-Men: Days of Future Past ]

Top 10 Denzel Washington Performances

Imperfection

The essence of being human is that one does not seek perfection, that one is sometimes willing to commit sins for the sake of loyalty, that one does not push asceticism to the point where it makes friendly intercourse impossible, and that one is prepared in the end to be defeated and broken up by life, which is the inevitable price of fastening one’s love upon other human individuals.

When you strive to be ‘perfect’, you enter an Anti-Life mode. You end up not really living but fulfilling some imaginary barometer of virtue, of thought, or other Human measuring stick.

Life...

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6

...

Rules Of Engagement

This a culmination of what I've experienced and what I've observed over the years.

When it comes to casual dating & dating to settle down for marriage, two games spring to mind. Chess & checkers.

An analogy can be drawn between dating & the Chess vs Checkers argument with casual dating being checkers and courtship being chess.While the two games have some similarities, the intricate nature of each gives them some distinct variations in style of play.

Firstly the games; Checkers is all about getting all you can get.The object of checkers is to be the last one with game pieces remaining on the board.A player wins by removing all of his opponent's pieces from the board or by blocking the opponent so that they do not have anymore moves.

Both games require a strategy that maximizes a player's ability to capture their opponents pieces without first losing their own.However, checkers is  a little more random and overall it's all about maximizing all that you can get.

While there are some similarities to its checker's counterpart, Chess distinguishes itself as a more intricate game on many levels.One mind is pitted against another in a game of strategy, foresight and tactical planning. 
While checkers is primarily played in the moment, chess requires a complex strategy that is often won by thinking ahead.Unlike checkers,in order to win you need to put the opponent's king in a position where it cannot escape (checkmate), or is captured.

We could say checkers is a game for the thrill whereas chess is a thinking man's game.

From a dating perspective,Women start with checkers to see what they can get, then move to Chess to see what they can keep (checkmate).In their late teens & early twenties women date casually for the thrill of youth.The objective is to bag as many high rollers as possible (Checkers).

They don't look for stability or direction, they just want to revel in the spirit of youth.

Not to say there's  anything wrong with this as their male contemporaries are probably drowning in debauchery.

During these years it's the players and older men with money to burn (some of them married) that get the most attention.Their male contemporaries are still building their futures in school and surviving on pocket money so they are deemed inept.They basically don't have any thrill value.(Broke & immature)

Between 24 and 27 instinct kicks in and naturally women start to look for stability as they soon realise that the high rolling guys who just wanted to have fun aren't really husband material .You can never really tie down a high roller plus some were even married and just playing them as side chicks.

The law of the jungle comes to play where only the fittest survive.The easiest prey hence becomes their male contemporaries who haven't really got a whiff of life as a high roller.They are fresh out of college and are only starting to build their careers. Vulnerability & inexperience  makes them easy prey.

With few responsibilities and increasing income the young men are perfect targets for cuffing .

I'm not discounting the existence of true love but knowing that a leopard can never change it's spots,all the years of debauchery never really subside.On the surface you see a lady but most times she may be playing  the thinking game of chess for a mate.

Chess being a game of strategy means you have to constantly hide your intentions, sacrifice a few pieces and think a few moves ahead of your opponent so you can mate them.

These are sacrifices that are made in order to win the game not because you love your opponent but just to win.

The courtship turns into a ruse were the only objective is to get hitched.

One fact is that women will get married for all the wrong reasons besides love.As a man you've only succeeded when you've married someone because there is true love. Anything else is just a poor second best and is a recipe for a failed marriage.

Most people will tell you that their lives were much much better before they settled down to get married.These are the same people you find cheating, sneaking around clubs and fishing for diseases yet they have lovely wives at home.

So since you will be older much longer than you'll be young it's imperative that key decisions like  marriage do not plunge you into eternal misery.

A better chess player will generally be thinking throughout the course of a game. 


As a man be a Chess-master ..and be able to play both games simultaneously.That way you will effortlessly mirror a woman's modus-operandi as one would toy with a novice at chess, and of course, expose her as the unfaithful wife or girlfriend that she pretends not to be.Mirror her actions and always be a step ahead.

If she wants to be treated like a lady,she has to be one mentally and behaviorally.

Smart men will play checkers with one hand and Chess with the other.

Published with Blogger-droid v2.0.6